Evil, Evil Bells
by FaeSoDivine
Summary: Introducing the SheDevil in disguise, inanimate objects with murderous intent, and two brothers from the land of some name that was forgotten. That belllike laughter was a trap from the begining. Or maybe it was just her. [ShikaxTema][oneshot]


**Published: 7-08-07**

**Warning: Fanfictions are not to be made at 3 in the morning, unless you are terribly clever with the likes of the TWILIGHT HOURS. Also, 'fuck'.**

**Enjoy, my dears.**

**edit:: fixed some grammar mistakes :D**

* * *

They were walking, as they always had when they met. Side-by-side, she pushed people out of the way and he let people run into him. Down a dirt path towards the Hokage's Tower, where he was supposed to be taking her. He was taking his time, instead.

Conversation filled the air. The words consisted of accusations, complaints, swearing, and retorts. He had the complaining down pat.

"It's more than troublesome, it's-"

"Bothersome?"

"Yeah.

A pause.

"How'd you know what I was going to say?"

"Your vocabulary is so limited I can only hope I'm reading your mind."

"Oh."

It was silent for a while, both looking ahead as The Tower came into view. A sigh escaped his lips.

"Aw, Mr. Crybaby gonna spring a leak?" She picked at him like a vulture, but he was used to it. He always was.

Sometimes he welcomed it.

But he scowled down at the ground, words lost to him.

"I'm speaking to you, Lazy-ass." She was the kind of women that demanded attention. 24/7.

"It's hard not to notice that incessant talking." He bit back a tad too harshly. She looked surprised. He almost wanted to apologize.

Until she threatened to kill him.

The same scowl made its home on his face. Same old, same old. Back to looking at the dirt again.

His lack of attention towards the woman seemingly irritated her. She narrowed her eyes, and the world seemed dangerous. He sensed the evil, floating from her every pore. His head snapped up, his eyes turned towards her, sweat pouring down his neck. And he prepared himself for the worse.

But, the worst never came.

Instead he heard an odd noise. An odd tinkling noise. It reminded him of bells.

And he noticed it came from her. Floating out of her open mouth, originated from some area unknown to him. (Deep in her chest, and he thought of what it was hiding under.)

Her laughter seemed to feel him with joy, yet joy was an uncommon feeling. He didn't know how to respond to it.

"OhsavemeI'mgonnadie."

And all at once the laughter stopped. So did the joy. And that murderous look was back in her eyes.

Evil, evil bells, bloodthirsty with intent to kill him.

(Oh, yes, she had the power to make inanimate objects frighten him; her giant metal fan, for example.)

His mind whirred into over-drive, scrambling for the words that could make the situation better.

"Thewayyourboobsswelloutofyourkimonoisverysexy."

Oh, good lord he was a goner.

She raised that weapon of hers, prepared to swing it down on his head or show him some cool ninja moves he had never seen before that involved lots of brain squishing.

"What."

He cringed.

"The."

Oh, terror!

"Fuck."

Mother, save him!

He closed his eyes, preparing for the impact.

Once again, nothing happened.

He opened his eyes, and saw a rather large black cat wearing makeup and an odd Irishman with a gourd on his back (filled with Whiskey, no doubt).

Oh, wait, they were her brothers. Puppet-Man-or-Girl and Ruler of Siberia or whatever the hell that country was called. (He knew it involved sand and camels, but he couldn't think straight at the moment.)

By the way Puppet-Man's mouth was closing, he gathered it was he who had spoken. And surely _she_ didn't have such a deep voice.

(Surely the only woman to have a deep voice was the She-Devil.)

(And he found it odd that he mistook her for the She-Devil sometimes.)

"Did you just say what I thought you said? To _my_ sister?" Puppet-Man seemed rather frightening in his kitty-headdress. And Shikamaru gathered that the italics on the word 'my' meant something.

"And so what if he did?" Temari stood in front of Shikamaru; he wondered how she got there in the span of a second before remembering she was a ninja. And so was he. _And_ Puppet-Man-or-Girl. _And_ the Ruler of Siberia.

"I don't think the sister of the Kazekage should be treated that way. Right, Gaara?" Puppet-Man looked to the Ruler of Siberia or whatever the hell that country was called for back up.

The red-head just stood there. "Sure." He said it vaguely, as if the situation didn't mean anything to him to begin with.

And then Puppet-Man appeared to be planning to kill Shikamaru.

And he (being Shikamaru) remembered that since all of them were ninja, they all had super awesome ninja techniques.

Speaking of those…

"What the-!"

Shadows gripped at Puppet-Man-or-Girl's body. Shikamaru didn't quite feel like the Ruler of Siberia or whatever the hell that country was called was quite a threat to him, so he left the red-head to his business (which was really just standing there.)

Meanwhile, Temari looked fairly happy. Happy enough that she grabbed Shikamaru by the ear and dragged him towards her. He kept the hand-signs steady, all the while wondering if those evil, evil blood-thirsty bells with intent to kill him were still present.

And the most unexpected thing happened.

He just had to let go of the jutsu, letting Puppet-Man fall to the ground while he snaked his arms around Temari's waist in a response to the sudden embrace/smashing of lips against each other.

Shouts of protests were evident from Puppet-Man-or-wait his name is Kankurou and the Kazekage Gaara is here too, aw, just like a happy reuni-oh shit they're her brothers.

The moment was over, and he realized she was standing before him with a very pleased look on her face and her brothers (both of them) were standing behind _him_ with murderous looks on _their_ faces.

Another sigh escaped his lips. "I'm going to miss lunch, aren't I?

She smiled pleasantly at him, although the pleasant smile reminded him of a poisoned cookie beckoning him forward. "Not if you can run."

He ran like hell was biting at his heels.

Technically, it was.


End file.
